A Sense of Obligation Page 23

  Elizabeth picked at her food and was quieter than usual. Darcy perceived the change and looked at her with concern.

  “We should go directly to sleep as we have another early start tomorrow, and you seem rather exhausted from the long day,” Darcy said when they finally retired for the night.

  Elizabeth gulped. “I am not exhausted. I am perfectly well.”

  Darcy seemed puzzled. “Very well, would you like to read more of the book we were reading in the carriage?”

  Elizabeth nervously walked to the bed and removed her robe. “No, I have had enough reading for the day.”

  Darcy followed her. “Were you of a mind to discuss something?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. She took a deep breath to gather her courage. “No, I have a much better use for those lips.” She touched the corner of his mouth with a fingertip.

  Darcy grinned and eagerly obliged. He could not explain it, but something seemed different about kissing Elizabeth now. She had always passionately responded to him, but tonight, it felt as though she were truly encouraging more, almost seductive in making him lose all rational thought.

  His hand touched the silky smooth skin of her thigh, not wondering at all how it made it there or exposed the skin, when she gasped into his mouth, breaking his spell.

  “Have I hurt you? Please forgive me…” His eyes widened in the dark when he realised just how high on her leg his hand was. Her shift was bunched above her hips. He wrenched his hand away, conflicted between unspoken feelings of intense desire and anger at his lack of control.

  “No, William, I am perfectly well. Entirely well.” She seemed to be stressing her words, but Darcy could not make out her meaning. Too much thought was impossible at the moment.

  Willing his body to behave, he kissed her forehead. “I am glad to hear it, but I do think we should sleep now. Despite what you have said, you must be uncomfortable after a day of riding in a carriage.”

  “I have been well all day. Better than I have been in nearly a week.”

  “Elizabeth…” Darcy began uncertainly. “Do you mean…”

  She did not allow him to continue speaking and instead pulled his face towards hers. From that moment on, neither of them was able to gather their wits. The feelings evoked by their kisses and caresses, undoubtedly increased due to their restraint during the day, were nearly beyond expression.

  There was one commonly voiced desire, however. More. Elizabeth pleaded for more, and Darcy’s body demanded it as well. When he had stroked nearly every part of her, he instinctively returned to the location that could satisfy their yearnings.

  Elizabeth was not content to be idle and ran her hands over him. Sometimes her touch was light, other times fierce as she gripped him to her. She held his face to her breast as his fingers intently explored.

  “William…” Elizabeth managed to gasp. “William, I know there is more. Make me your wife.” Without conscious thought, he was soon cradled between her legs.

  Some greater sense or reason in Darcy forced his mind to focus. “Not yet. Soon, Lizzy. Soon...when you know.”

  Before Elizabeth could argue or question, he increased his ministrations, and no more sensible words could be said. Elizabeth seemed to have realised that if she could not speak, she could touch and caress as well.

  As Darcy held her in his arms in the night, he realised the only thing he would have liked more was if they had entirely shed their clothes. Had there been more light, he could have seen Elizabeth’s eyes when she took her pleasure.

  Elizabeth’s mind was beyond thought entirely.

  *****

  The second day of travelling was very similar to the first, with perhaps more kisses and embracing and less reading. They did manage to enjoy a debate.

  “I find his argument lacks logic. He cannot argue both that the Romans were too coddled in luxury and that Christianity placed too much focus on life after death. You cannot both enjoy your worldly goods and say they do not matter,” Elizabeth argued. They had been reading The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon, and both were quite familiar with his deductions.

  “Furthermore,” continued Elizabeth, “the very era in history he loathes proves Christianity as very combative. The Crusades were six hundred years before Francis Bacon, John Locke, and Voltaire and nearly five hundred years before peace dissenters like the Quakers. And as an Englishman, he should know our bloody history over religion!”

  “But surely you must agree they had a duty to maintain the government and military instead of hiring others to do so.”

  “Yes, we see throughout history what happens when the very rich forget their obligations to civic duty and think only of themselves. But Gibbon also makes it sound as though the Barbarians could never do justice to Rome simply because of the location of their birth.”

  “Would you trust a Frenchman to lead England to victory?” The question silenced Elizabeth for a moment, and Darcy almost chuckled.

  “No, absolutely not, but perhaps a leader from the colonies could. Or someone from a lesser rank. Lord Nelson earned his position and was only the son of a poor vicar. Ability to lead is not a matter of birth. Clearly we have seen with the recent revolutions that lower ranks can throw off an aristocracy. Indeed, there seems to be a kind of warfare between the two.”

  Darcy looked at Elizabeth sceptically. “Perhaps with the French, but that was not the complaint of the Americans.”

  “In a way, it was. Do they not argue for certain rights? That all men are created equal?”

  “Poverty and inequality will always exist, Elizabeth.”

  “Yes, they certainly will. But my point is that if the rich landlords and senators of Rome were truly concerned not only about the good of Rome but also the good of themselves, they would have perceived the necessity to treat those inferior to them with kindness and generosity. Rome fell because their leaders lacked sense. They cared only for their selfish pleasures and abandoned rational thought.”

  “Could we not agree with Gibbon that the Roman Empire grew too large? It took on too many responsibilities? Is this not what befell France? What he would say threatens England?”

  “A wise thing for you to remember all around.”

  “What on earth do you mean?”

  “I have heard testimony that you are the best landlord and master, and now I have seen it with my own eyes, but you take on too much responsibility. You have cleaned up Wickham’s unpleasantness for most of his life, blame yourself for Georgiana’s near elopement, helped Bingley’s wedding affairs as though it were your fault when they...well, they certainly made their own decisions.

  “On our wedding day, you assured me you would not be squandering our children’s monetary inheritance on another family. And you confessed to feeling as though your father’s affection and time were stolen from you by Wickham. Do be careful to not overextend yourself so that we, your first responsibilities, feel burdensome.”

  Darcy looked at her with concern. “Have I neglected you? I will have matters to attend at Pemberley, but it should not take the whole of the day like it did when I met with Bingley or was settling things in London.”

  She waved her hand in dismissal. “No, no, you are very attentive to my needs. I know you take your duties and obligations very seriously, but perhaps some of your energy is misplaced. I will not let you shut yourself away. I do not want a separate life from you. I desire your company during the day as well as at night.”

  “Is that so?” He smiled and began to kiss her.

  “Yes,” she said firmly, not at all sure they were still speaking of the same thing. “You desire me day and night?”

  A reply proved unnecessary.

  *****

  Elizabeth smiled as she awoke to the sounds of her maid leaving a breakfast tray. Her husband held her tightly. They lay on their sides with her back against his chest, her head resting on one of his arms while the other wrapped around her waist and held a breast. Nestling in cl
oser, she felt his arousal and smiled again. Their increasing physical intimacy was bringing out a playful side of him, and all Elizabeth could think of now was his promise for more, soon.

  She smirked when she thought of how she would awaken him if they were alone and at their leisure. Instead, she rolled over to face him and gently stretched.

  “William, dear.” He was beginning to rouse, and she chose to kiss his face in an effort to wake him further. His whiskers had grown overnight, and she secretly loved the look and rough feel of it.

  His arms tightened around her, and he opened his eyes, which displayed a burning intensity. “I will never let you go.”

  “I am afraid you must. We need to depart.”

  “No, we will remain here forever.” He nestled her head against his chest.

  “I confess that disappointments me. I had understood Pemberley to be a very grand estate with many rooms with large furnishings. And after so many years living with half a dozen other people, I was looking forward to a great deal of privacy.”

  Darcy grinned and tapped her nose. “Temptress! Very well, if we leave soon, we should arrive before dinner.”

  Darcy excused himself to the other room for a moment while Elizabeth began to make up her tea and his coffee. He returned and smiled at her thoughtfulness.

  He took a sip, clearly enjoying it. “Mmm...the way I love it.” He kissed her head and carried his cup to a window to look out at the condition of the roads, and Elizabeth smiled after the man she loved.

  The thought was so natural to her for once that she did not bother to question it. Elizabeth’s smile grew. When Darcy turned to face her again, her heart felt so full that she stood to walk to his side and embraced him, which he happily accepted.

  After weeks of questions and worries, she finally had her answer. She allowed and welcomed Darcy’s attentions because she loved him. The joy she felt at admitting it to herself was more than she ever dared hope to feel. She had once worried about their happiness in marriage. She worried they were drawn together by little more than passion, but now she was certain they would be truly happy.

  Once they were in the carriage, however, she feigned sleep to consider how she fell in love with him so unawares. She at last thought of her sister’s words to her. Elizabeth had shared much with Darcy in their first few days of matrimony. They discussed their greatest fears, secrets from childhood, what they desired in their marriage, hidden accomplishments, and so much more. Although still lacking in the final physical expression of intimacy, Elizabeth felt closer to Darcy than any other person she had known. And in return she felt cherished, accepted, and valued.

  Jane declared that she felt only trust and affection for Bingley when they anticipated their vows, never fear, and Elizabeth realised that had always been the case for her with Darcy. More than all this, she now understood him to be the very best of men.

  Even when I felt an obligation to dislike him because I thought him proud, something greater in me had the sense to love him and trust he returned it.

  Elizabeth hardly knew how to express her new certainty in her affections to Darcy but knew she must soon.

  *****

  Darcy and Elizabeth passed the remainder of the day in various levels of excitement.

  Elizabeth viewed the countryside of her new home county with greedy eyes. As they entered the Peak District, Elizabeth realised how different Derbyshire was from Hertfordshire! And how different this man was from any other she had known. As she determined she could easily enjoy the rest of her life exploring Derbyshire, she also realised how much she looked forward to a future of learning more about her husband.

  Elizabeth’s delight and approval of the Pemberley grounds and house were evident, and nothing could bring Darcy more happiness. He proposed a nap or walk about the grounds or even a tour of the house, but Elizabeth desired only a quick bath and then to continue with their dinner plans. Darcy could hardly hide that his thoughts concluded they might end the night earlier than usual.

  Elizabeth observed that Pemberley and its grounds were exquisite and the perfect reflection of the character of its master. Neither ostentatious nor uselessly fine, it reflected a welcoming elegance. The housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, was very kind but clearly just as efficient as Mrs. Sparks. In short order, Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were bathed and back downstairs for an enticing dinner. Afterwards, they adjourned to the music room.

  “Will you play for me?” Elizabeth asked with such affection in her eyes that Darcy could not refuse.

  He had not played for quite a while, and the instrument took some time to tune. She watched his large frame embrace the curves of the instrument, somehow making it seem small in his arms. He gently, lovingly tuned it, returning again and again to the same spots, until it responded just as he wished. When at last the violoncello was ready, Darcy pulled it in a little closer and nestled his chin close to its long neck. As he gently swept the bow across the strings, sweet music filled the room, and Elizabeth trembled.

  Darcy played quite well for seldom practicing. Although it was a simple tune, he conveyed great emotion in it, as though part of his essence was being imprinted on Elizabeth’s heart. She was entirely entranced by his fingers; listening to him and seeing his hands caress the instrument was a sensual experience and left her feeling heady. For all that their marriage remained unconsummated, she had memories enough of his hands, strong and gentle, coaxing something sweet and beautiful from her, as though she were his well-loved instrument.

  She did not notice when he ceased to play, her body too distracted with other sensations for her hearing to be on alert. She startled when his warm breath grazed her ear.

  “Play for me, Lizzy?” She blushed further. He had only called her Lizzy in very intimate settings. As she played and sang for him, his gaze was so penetrating she could barely manage without stumbling.

  She gathered her courage, though, for she had other plans and requested they next spend some time in the library. Later, she would take in the grand size and vow to read every volume, but now she had very singular thoughts.

  “Do you have something particular you wish to read this evening?”

  “No. Now you must stand here.” She arranged him and laughed at his confused expression. She began to sing:

  “Down yonder green valley, where streamlets meander,

  When twilight is fading, I pensively rove

  Or at the bright noontide in solitude wander,

  Amid the dark shades of the lonely ash grove;

  ‘Twas there, while the blackbird was cheerfully singing,

  I first met that dear one, the joy of my heart!

  Around us for gladness the bluebells were ringing,

  Ah! then little thought I how soon we should part.1

  As she began to sing, he smiled and joined in; soon they were dancing. Instead of the correct last stanza, she arched her brow and sang:

  “Cease your funning, force or cunning,

  Never shall my heart trepan;

  All these sallies are but malice

  To seduce my constant man.

  ‘Tis most certain by their flirting

  Women oft have envy shown,

  Pleas’d to ruin other’s wooing

  Never happy with their own.”2

  Darcy stopped in mid-step, confusion apparent on his face.

  “You see, we are in Derbyshire now!”

  “Derbyshire?”

  “Why, yes! You told me those were the correct words to the song in Derbyshire.”

  He laughed but asked again, “When did I say such ridiculous nonsense?” Then the answer struck him. There would have been only one opportunity for him to say such words and not recall with perfect clarity.

  “When we danced in the library at Netherfield, before I sliced my hand on your brandy glass.”

  “My brandy glass?”

  “Yes, you knocked it over when you stood to bow at my exit. See, my scar?” She held out her left hand to him. She was growing confused. S
he knew he had been half in his cups that evening but did not imagine he remembered nothing. Why did he propose, then?

  “Did it bleed very much?”

  “No, you had my handkerchief quite at the ready. I had left it in the room from before, and you must have found it.”

  He staggered back from Elizabeth.

  “You do not remember?” He jerkily shook his head. Elizabeth could hardly account for it, but she felt as though she might cry.

  “Tell me, what happened next?” His breath was coming quickly and only added to Elizabeth’s confusion.

  Does he truly not recall our touches? Carrying me?

  “I...I felt lightheaded, and you carried me to my chamber door. You were quite the gentleman and so concerned about my injury.”

  He said nothing for a long moment. “Carried you to your chamber door? I left you at your door?”

  Elizabeth blushed scarlet. “Of course! What did you imagine?”

  He did not reply, and suddenly, it was all too clear to Elizabeth what he had thought happened. She could scarcely breathe from the pain.

  “You believed you seduced me! That was all your talk about duty and honour during your proposal! How could you think it of me?”

  “Elizabeth, it was nothing you did…”

  “Did you think I was a loose woman? Or that you were such a great catch I would succumb? Perhaps you believed I threw myself at you!”

  “No, never!”

  “I did not even like you then!”

  Darcy paled and stumbled into a chair. Immediately, Elizabeth regretted her admission; she had no true wish to pain him. Had she not just earlier today determined a part of her had loved him even then? But she felt so betrayed. She loved him, and he did not even respect her! All the affection she thought she had for the man was built on lies.

  Her greatest fears were realised. She disgraced herself enough with the liberties she allowed, and now she had the foolish idea it was based on love! “Cease your funning!” He sang it as a warning; he did not want to succumb to her charms. And now “The Ash Grove” would be nothing more than an anthem to her broken dreams of love.

  She could not bear to remain in the room any longer. With a strangled sob, she wrenched open the library door and walked to her chambers. She desired to run but knew she should not. She was grateful to not encounter any servants along the way. Upon reaching her room, she gave in to her sentiments.