A Sense of Obligation Read online

  Elizabeth desired to correct her aunt’s impressions. Elizabeth’s theories might be partially unsubstantiated, but she could not imagine her husband growing into the man he was if he had been raised to value the elevation of pride and conceit just for the cause of rank.

  “Oh, but Mrs. Darcy did not entertain much. She was frequently ill. My husband’s grandfather took the lease on the larger house when they had several children, although this one came with his wife’s dowry. When my husband’s parents married, they took the larger house. His aunts had married, and sadly, no uncles survived.

  “I think...I think they stayed in the larger house because they hoped for more children. Mrs. Darcy was also a gifted musician and the older Mr. Darcy an avid reader. Those rooms would have been larger. They spent a good deal of time in Town and tutored their son at home. London gave them greater access to the masters.

  “I think it was also to have better access to the physicians for Mrs. Darcy and provide her with more comforts.” When Elizabeth looked at the account books of Darcy’s mother’s era, she noticed the frequent physician visits and wondered if they were related to the large age difference between her husband and his sister.

  “Have you talked with your husband about this?”

  “No, I do not think he would recall very well; he has a child’s memories of his parents together. However, if old Mr. Darcy was anything like his son, then he would dote on his wife.”

  Elizabeth already knew her husband preferred his country estate to London and suspected his father shared the trait. She likewise believed the Darcy men would do anything for their ladies. Her husband certainly did for her and Georgiana.

  Mrs. Gardiner smiled broadly. “So you are happy, then, dear?”

  Elizabeth beamed. “Supremely happy!”

  Easing in closer to her aunt, she dropped her voice. Elizabeth discreetly asked her aunt, “Why was the wedding date moved? Jane never spoke a word to me about it. She has been very sly.”

  Mrs. Gardiner took a lengthy pause. “You had confessed to allowing Mr. Darcy some liberties before your marriage that made you feel obligated to him.” Elizabeth blushed, but her aunt continued, “Let me just say that Jane’s choices on the wedding date are decidedly less flexible than yours were.”

  Elizabeth gasped. “No, I cannot believe it! She would have to be entirely out of her senses!”

  Mrs. Gardiner gave a little smile. “My dear, when you are in love, it can be very difficult to be on your guard and very easy to lose your sense. In the end, it is not the desire or accepting of the actions that is inappropriate, only the timing. Do not be too harsh on her. We all know Jane feels things fervently, even if she does not display it well. That works for both love and shame.”

  Elizabeth had no time to reply, for Mrs. Bennet soon directed them upstairs to Jane. As Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner spoke with the housekeeper on a last minute concern, Elizabeth fussed over Jane’s hair and gown in sisterly concern.

  She quietly asked her sister, “Jane will you speak to me about why the wedding date was moved?”

  Blushing furiously, Jane slowly nodded.

  “I cannot say I understand how you allowed this to happen, but I do not wish to condemn you.” Jane looked at her sister in disbelief, so Elizabeth felt compelled to continue. “Truly, I only mean to ask how you feel about…everything.”

  Jane shook her head. “You say you cannot understand? I do not believe it! I shall not defend myself. We ought not to have given in to our temptation, and I am ashamed of my actions, but it is difficult to think rationally when so violently in love. I confess at the moment, I only felt trust and affection for the man I would soon marry and not a hint of hesitancy or shame.

  “We all know Mr. Darcy loves you very much, and you admitted to accepting his proposal because you enjoyed his attentions. I am uncertain I understood how you could allow his liberties at the time, but I truly believe neither you nor I would forsake our good upbringing if we were not in love and knew the gentleman to be honourable. Surely you must feel the truth of it now after all you have shared.”

  Elizabeth blinked back her surprise at her sister’s words. “We have...we did not...” She blushed. “My courses finally came just before we reached London.”

  “Oh!” Jane said in surprise.

  “You and Bingley have shared more than us.”

  Jane blushed but squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “That was not always the case. You felt a great deal of affection for Mr. Darcy at Netherfield, and I am certain it will only grow after...after you arrive at Pemberley.”

  Elizabeth was unable to respond. They were soon called forward to leave for the church. The wedding was not out of the ordinary in any way, and Darcy and Elizabeth could not stay at the breakfast long before needing to leave for Pemberley.

  Jane hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, “You worry too much with your head sometimes, Lizzy. Love is not a logic game; you feel it with your heart.”

  “I know,” she weakly agreed. Elizabeth knew Jane worried she had not felt enough for Darcy upon their wedding and now must worry she did not feel enough in their marriage. It astonished her. She sometimes thought she felt too much.

  They journeyed for a few hours before stopping at an inn for the night. It was one where Darcy frequently stayed. They were given the largest suite of rooms, complete with a small sitting room in between, a luxury their London house did not have.

  “When we return in January, we ought to refresh your rooms,” Darcy proposed. “They do not need much.” Darcy levelled Elizabeth a look, and she gave a conciliatory sigh.

  “Very well.”

  “I may have a suggestion or two.”

  “Is that so?” She pursed her lips to keep from laughing at the image of Darcy being a man of fashion.

  “Would you like a private sitting room?”

  “How could we ever manage that? William, it is senseless to expand the house or lease a larger one for the sake of one room. We have a sofa in there and a bookcase. It is quite sufficient.”

  “I disagree. I am a large man, and we have not the space for a more substantial sofa in this room. If we used my chamber, we could have a writing desk for your use and take our morning tea and coffee there together.”

  Elizabeth chewed her bottom lip. “I suppose no one need ever know. We would never give visitors a tour of our private rooms.”

  Darcy chuckled.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “Oh, I only thought that, if somehow they did, perhaps I could redeem myself and not be the only ‘besotted fool’ in our marriage.”

  Elizabeth scoffed. “I am far too sensible to ever be mistaken for a fool, William.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes.”

  Darcy grinned at her silly obstinacy. “But I am not?”

  “That is not for me to say. If you are a fool for being besotted with me, I would certainly be the last to confess it.”

  “And how might we measure what makes one a besotted fool?”

  Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled. “First we must consider the besotted quality.”

  “Well, only a besotted man would do this.” He leaned in as if to kiss her, as she expected, but instead, he tickled her.

  “William!” she squealed, but he was relentless for several more minutes. He finally ceased, and she recovered her breath. “I cannot think how that undignified display was a measure of your devotion!” she said with feigned indignation.

  “Only a besotted man would risk your ire to see your eyes sparkle and hear your laughter.”

  She pursed her lips to quell her smile. “Perhaps. You may also be proving to be a fool to risk my anger.”

  “I am not afraid of you.”

  “Hmm...yet more proof of your foolish ways.”

  “What will it take to convince you of my sense, madam?”

  “Consider why you married me, sir, and you will see I am correct.”

  “Never.” He took her hands and kissed th
em. “It was only sensible to marry the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance.”

  He turned her hands over and slowly kissed one palm, then the other. His brow furrowed as though noticing the small and clearly recent scar on her left hand for the first time. “Surely it was clever of me to marry the kindest and most intelligent woman I know.”

  He kissed her wrist. “And I was as wise as Solomon to marry the only woman to drive me to distraction and beyond the brink of temptation.” He punctuated this line with a kiss to her collarbone.

  Despite her quickening pulse, Elizabeth continued to argue. “Very well, sir. You have demonstrated you are a besotted and sensible man, but you claimed I was besotted as well.”

  Kissing up her throat, he whispered in her ear, “Are you happy, Elizabeth?” When his warm breath brushed over her ears, she could only let out a whimper. He kissed her face and whispered in the other ear, “Do I make you happy, Elizabeth?”

  Struggling for coherent thought, Elizabeth pulled back to look him in the eye. “You make me very happy, William.”

  Elizabeth fell asleep with the words she had explained to Darcy mere days ago resounding in her head. I am happiest when I am with those whom I love and who love me. I am falling in love with Fitzwilliam Darcy.

  *****

  Jane sighed as she awoke in her husband’s arms. I could never love another more. She played with a curl that fell on his face.

  “Good morning, love,” Bingley said, his eyes still closed. I love her more each day.

  “What are you thinking?” they asked at the same time, then shared a small laugh.

  Jane began first. “I thought that I could never love another man more than you. I feel like you truly are a part of me.” Tears pricked her eyes; when she truly allowed herself to feel the weight of an emotion, it was nearly painful with its intensity.

  Bingley wiped her tear away. “I was considering how I love you more each day.”

  “Thank you for choosing me,” Jane said. “Now we have each day to spend together for the rest of our lives.”

  “We do,” he said and brought her hands up to his lips. “Now what shall we do today, my dear?” His eyebrows rose suggestively.

  Jane laughed. “That is a delightful plan, but may I suggest breakfast and a bath first?”

  Bingley sighed. “If you insist.”

  Jane began to rise. “I do. I think you can bear the separation.”

  “Hmm…I do not know,” he said as he attempted to tug the sheet covering her lower. Jane playfully smacked his hand away and stood, wincing at the pain she felt.

  “Are you well? You said you did not hurt after last time.”

  Jane shook her head and donned her robe. “I believe the frequency and perhaps exuberance of last night is to blame. I am sure I shall be entirely well quite soon.”

  Bingley rose to her side and rubbed her shoulder. His eyes showed concern. “You are certain all is well?”

  “After the truth was known, Mama and Aunt Gardiner saw no need to talk to me about matters. I had wanted to ask Lizzy, but they have not…” Jane blushed as she realised she was exposing such a private affair to her husband. Surely wives did not speak about courses to their husbands? Oh, dear! What to say when her courses would come?

  “They have not what? You mean… But why not?” Bingley blushed as well. It was none of his business, but he could not cage his curiosity. Was their marriage troubled already? Darcy had never professed to love Elizabeth, but Bingley was sure he did.

  Jane stammered before taking a deep breath. “You have sisters. Might you know about a woman’s monthly courses?” She turned red again.

  “Oh,” Bingley said and looked at his feet.

  “So, you see that would prevent the consummation.”

  “Well, yes, but it would not have been their first time either…” He stopped in mid- sentence at the surprise on Jane’s face. “You did not know?”

  “Elizabeth swore otherwise!”

  “Darcy proposed because of an encounter they had while Elizabeth was here when you were ill.”

  Jane shook her head. “Lizzy said only that he carried her to her room after she saw him in the library.”

  “Darcy said he had no memories of the night, but he had quite a bit of proof.”

  “Oh, good Lord!” Jane cried in horror. “She married him believing he felt something very near love for her, and he only proposed because he thought he seduced her?”

  Tears threatened Jane’s eyes again. “Come, love.” Bingley led Jane to a settee in the room. “You must not fear for them. You saw them yesterday. They are entirely besotted with each other and happy. Allow them to work on their own marriage, for I would much rather you spend all your energies on ours.”

  She dried her eyes and gave him a small smile. “I am sure you are correct. It will all work out for the best. Forgive me for being such a watering pot today. I am not usually so emotional.”

  Bingley kissed her forehead. “There is nothing to forgive. Now I will call for our baths and arrange for breakfast to be sent up.” Jane began to argue, but Bingley put a finger to her lips. “No, we will not be leaving our chambers today, tomorrow, or possibly the day after. My sisters still remain, and they or Hurst are the last people I desire to see so soon after my wedding.”

  Jane frowned. “Mama intended to call today.”

  Bingley shook his head. “Your father promised to keep her indoors, and should she elude him, then we will not be arriving in the drawing room. I believe she currently loathes my sister and her future position, so we do not have to worry about her remaining for long.”

  Jane smiled. “Brilliant, Charles!”

  He gave her a quick kiss before ringing the bell for the maid.

  *****

  Hearing Jennings in his room next door in a discreet attempt to wake them, Darcy began to kiss Elizabeth until she roused.

  “Dearest, it is time for us to depart.”

  “Hmm….too tired, too early,” Elizabeth mumbled and pressed closer to Darcy’s side.

  He smiled as he knew the source of her exhaustion. They had kept themselves well occupied for part of the night in the few intimacies they allowed themselves, but they still had to rise at dawn so they could make the most of the day for their travels.

  “You can rest in the carriage.” When she still did not awaken fully, he got out of bed and stripped it of its counterpane.

  Gasping, Elizabeth sat up. Darcy smirked at the sight. “We must get up, dear.” Hearing a knock on the door, he brought Elizabeth her dressing gown. “Here is your tea, and our baths will soon be ready.”

  Elizabeth mumbled something rather ungrateful, adjusted her shift, and donned the robe. “I can always tickle you, Elizabeth.” Those words finally got her moving to the sofa as Darcy opened the door to retrieve their light breakfast.

  An hour later, they were seated in the carriage and headed for Pemberley. Darcy wrapped his arm around Elizabeth as she rested her head on his shoulder and slumbered. When she awoke, they took turns reading aloud. Elizabeth was pressed close to his side, cuddling his arm. A carriage ride had never been so pleasant before. Darcy released a contented sigh.

  “That was a heavy sigh, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth said, using the same words he had a few days ago.

  “I am just happy,” said he, using her words from the same conversation.

  He was already watching the expression on her face, pleased to see her joy at his declaration of happiness. He leant to her with a tender kiss. Although he lingered, both were sensibly aware of their position in a carriage and attempted to control their passion.

  “Elizabeth, I was uncertain when to say this, but I can go no longer without telling you my heart. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I...”

  Elizabeth placed her fingers on his lips, and he ceased talking.

  Foolish man! She does not want your sentiments. She can never forgive you for your ungentlemanly actions.

  “Darling, please do not say
it yet. I know, I do know, and I welcome your affection. It is an honour. But please, say no more for now. Soon I think I will know...”

  “I do not wish for you to feel obligated to return sentiments you do not feel.”

  “But I do feel! I feel so much! I think my heart will burst. I only wish to know. I must make sense of this rationally, but I do feel...”

  It was many minutes before Darcy allowed her to speak again. Grinning to himself as she read from their book, he allowed that he truly was a besotted fool. His greatest wishes would soon be answered.

  Almost from first sight, his baser instincts acknowledged his attraction to Elizabeth, mortified as he was to realise his ungentlemanly thoughts. Very soon afterwards, he believed his greatest wish was simply to marry her and leave his family obligations of a splendid match behind. Now he was married to her. He knew it was a splendid match in every way important to him, and soon they would consummate the marriage, yet even that was not enough.

  Nothing could ever be enough until he earned her love, freely given. Certainly most men would think him foolish, but now more than ever, he knew what a profound statement of trust it would be to have Elizabeth bestow upon him her whole heart. He might be a fool, but he would walk the world over to win that love.

  He truly believed what seemed nearly impossible only a few weeks before. Elizabeth might love him, and he determined that no matter what they were soon able to physically express, he would wait until she could give him her heart as well as her body, even though she had conceded that before.

  After passing several more hours in a combination of reading, rousing debates, teases, a brief nap, and both playful and sensual kisses, they finally arrived at the inn for the night.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Darcy again secured the largest and most comfortable rooms. Elizabeth was slightly uncomfortable with all the attention and deference and certainly rolled her eyes at Darcy taking such large connecting rooms when they both knew only one was needed. Of course, they would always rent two for appearances, but they did not need to be quite so large if one was to remain empty, and it was not as though she desired distance from her husband in any room.