A Sense of Obligation Read online

  As they continued to dance, and he manfully tried to not pull her in closer and closer, she met his eye with a spark that could only be increasing desire. The dance’s pace was sedate compared to the lively dances earlier in the evening, but they ended in a breathless state. Darcy had never believed the distance between a Tuesday and a Friday could be longer than in this week when Elizabeth would become his wife.

  ****

  Bingley glanced at the angel curled in his arm. He finally reached Heaven, but not at all under the circumstances he expected. He was an amiable man, but he had to fight the anger he felt at Jane’s family for making her think she would bring reproach to her name. How sacrificing this woman was to think of breaking their engagement for his sake. Well, there was no choice for that now.

  In the back of his mind, his conscience pricked. He had hoped to get her alone this evening for a kiss. He had even hoped for it to be witnessed by Mr. or Mrs. Bennet as a means to advance the wedding date. Instead, after the distress of the evening, they went far beyond kisses. Recalling what he believed would be his rather innocent compromise of her made him wonder why they had not been discovered. He sighed. Only Jane’s family would have so little care that they would not seek her out when they knew she had spent an over long amount of time with a gentleman. His plan was doomed from the start, and if he had not been so blinded first by lust and then by the wine, he might have considered the facts.

  “Jane,” he said while pressing a kiss to her temple.

  Her eyes fluttered open, and he regretted even more that they had not waited until their wedding night. He could have taken his fill of her afterwards.

  “Darling, we must return.” His eyes scanned her body, and he winced. There may be no way to conceal their activity. “I think we must say that you fell ill. If you wear your cloak perhaps it will conceal…” He trailed off. Jane looked as though she had been struck. Good God! He was sending her out moments after taking her virtue as though he needed to be rid of her.

  “I can ride to London first thing in the morning and procure the settlement. The licence is already purchased. We can wed in a matter of days.” She silently nodded. “I am sorry. I was selfish!”

  “No!” she cried. “No, it was beyond what I expected.” She blushed, and Bingley smiled that she could be so modest after what they shared. “I…I regret nothing.” She held her chin high and punctuated her words with a kiss.

  Bingley blinked in surprise. He had expected more self-reproach. He rather liked this side of Jane. “How do you feel?” He brushed a stray hair from her face.

  She blushed again. “As though I should never leave your arms.”

  He held back a moan. She was such an innocent to say such things! He kissed her forehead; her lips would bring too much temptation again. “Should I call for Elizabeth? Or your mother?”

  Jane’s eyes widened. “Lizzy should enjoy her evening, and Mama would be too meddlesome. I think Mary may be persuaded to leave early.” She paused and fiddled with his hand that lay across her stomach. “Thank you for attempting to think clearly about matters. I think having my cloak on would be a good idea.”

  “I will go with you.”

  “You cannot leave your own ball!”

  Bingley affected one of Darcy’s scowls. “I can, and I will! I must see to you; if that brings censure, then so be it.” Jane smiled, and so did he. “I will always protect you, love.”

  She squeezed his hand and began to rise, attempting to right her gown as she did. Bingley felt extreme regret, not knowing if it was for their actions or for the fact that they could not continue.

  Jane’s voice shook a little when she asked, “Must you really go to London? I know you received a request only today...” She trailed off, and Bingley hugged her side.

  “I fear rearranging my finances for our marriage, settling an amount on Caroline, and end-of-the-year accounting have overwhelmed my overseers. Additionally, the solicitor thought he had several more weeks to prepare matters.” Jane frowned, and he attempted to retie his cravat, dreadful thing. “I should only be two or three days at the most. Should I call on Longbourn first?”

  Jane shook her head. “No, Papa seemed to accept Mr. Darcy’s actions well enough. I…” her voice cracked.

  Yes, he also was uncertain how he would explain matters. “Of course. I will not leave your side when we make our announcement.” Jane giggled. “What is it?”

  “Your wording reminded me of news of an elopement. We are both of age; that is still an option should there be difficulties.”

  He caught her mirth. “I suppose an advanced wedding date is not as fearsome as that!”

  Jane grinned. “Mama would certainly be more upset if she did not get to flaunt our wedding. She will be unhappy about changing the date, but so long as there is a wedding for her to fuss over, she will be happy enough.”

  Bingley laughed and wisely did not ask what she thought her father would say. He exited the room and found a footman near the cloak room. Once Jane donned her cloak, she removed to the ladies’ withdrawing room and awaited Mary, whom Bingley retrieved from near Mr. Bennet. The patriarch furrowed his brow. When Jane had left the supper room he loudly explained to Mrs. Bennet that her daughter desired to see the library, lest others perceive Jane fled in humiliation. Mrs. Bennet had given her permission for Bingley to give Jane a tour and raved about the grandeur her daughter would soon be living in. Along the way, Bingley came across Mr. Bennet and explained his destination. Now, he claimed while alone with Jane she felt ill and desired to return home. Bingley sighed as he escorted the ladies to the carriage. Mr. Bennet likely worried that Jane’s cold had returned; it was Mary’s first concern. He had credibly dodged the truth, but he also knew his sense of honour would demand he confess all to Mr. Bennet soon enough.

  * * *

  1 Elizabeth references Evelina or the History of a Young Lady’s Entrance into the World, which was written by Fanny Burney and first published in 1778. Austen confesses to being influenced by Burney, and it is likely any well-read individual of the era would know of the book. Evelina was raised in the country and, on a journey to London, unknowingly committed quite the error when she declined to dance with a partner who irritated her and then immediately accepted another gentleman for the same set. Although Elizabeth is not entirely excusing Darcy’s behaviour, she does recognise that he did not intend to offend the whole assembly with his demeanour or words, and he refused to dance with anyone but what civility demanded, which in Evelina’s case would have been the correct protocol when refusing a partner.

  2 In my research on standard ballroom dances, I did not find much consensus. As it happens, it works well for my story that reels are called for the supper set, although I suspect that might have been frowned upon, and the lady announcing them knows this. I argue she can get away with it in Meryton even if she would not in London. Additionally, “Lucy’s Square” is entirely fictional. Although the Viennese Waltz supposedly was not decent at all until it was accepted at Almack’s in 1814, there are surviving paintings and caricatures of waltzes and waltz-like dances dated before 1811. I think this deviation is permissible in the atmosphere of this ball; there are greater things for all the characters to worry about in the aftermath of the ball than the irregularities of calling this dance instead of the Boulanger. The styles are different as well. English dances at this point were danced in sets and the waltz is a partnered dance that requires you to be very close together. The Boulanger actually created two circles turning about each other and more of a “winding down” type dance.

  Chapter Nine

  Darcy awoke early, a well-satisfied man, or as satisfied as he could be with his beloved miles away instead of in his bed. Last night.

  The reality of Elizabeth’s in his arms and passionately returning his kisses was more than he had ever dreamed. He had held her so tight, and she had pressed herself so close that he could feel her every curve. Her body fit against his perfectly. When his tongue met hers,
velvety and soft, she moaned. All conscious reason left him with that sound, and his body acted on instinct alone. She positively clung to him, driving the most pleasing parts of her body forcefully against his. Her fingers in his hair were his undoing. One hand had come so close to caressing her breast, and his other hand cradled her bottom, so very near to her core.

  Darcy’s eyes closed in remembrance; his body nearly trembled as it relived the immense satisfaction he felt at being able to gain such an ardent response. He shook his head. I must not be alone with her again before the wedding.

  He desired her, loved her, and was betrothed to her. Many other couples did much more, but he also respected her. There would have been no excuse for taking her again, let alone outdoors in the cold and on the night of a ball. It was natural to have these urges, but he would master them for two more days.

  He doubted he would have such a problem when he called at Longbourn. Last night, the impropriety of the Bennets was enough to break through his lustful distraction, and tomorrow, he was to meet Elizabeth’s relations from London, Mrs. Bennet’s brother and his family. Darcy had small hope of finding them pleasing company. He found he cared little for his own discomfort, but to cause Elizabeth such mortification last night was inexcusable.

  At the moment, he needed exercise. Darcy called for his valet and sent a servant to alert the stables. Upon arriving there, he saw Bingley preparing to mount his horse, clearly ready for travelling.

  “Bingley, what is this?”

  Bingley would not meet his friend’s eyes. “Oh, Darcy. I left a note for you with the footman. I must go to Town on urgent business today.”

  “But what is it? Can I be of service?”

  He shook his head and studiously adjusted the saddle and his horse’s bit. Darcy believed his friend was attempting to conceal something, but such arts were beyond what he expected of Charles Bingley.

  At last, Bingley glanced at Darcy. “Yes, actually.”

  “You need only ask, my friend.”

  “I will meet with my solicitor this afternoon. We had planned on your attending with me. Do you have any final words of advice?

  “Meeting with the solicitor! Why are you changing plans? I know I once jested that should you be determined to leave a place and a friend asks you to remain while you are even on the horse, you would agree, but I truly do not understand why you must urgently leave.” Bingley muttered something under his breath. “What did you say?”

  Bingley closed his eyes, as though pained, then opened them, and Darcy could see real distress there. “Darcy, I….” He gulped and tried again. “It is necessary.”

  Darcy started. “Necessary? Bingley! You mean…”

  Bingley nodded. “Last night…”

  “You were missing from the ballroom for some time.”

  “Yes, Jane and I were speaking of books, but I said I could not speak of books in a ballroom. So I requested to show her the library, and Mrs. Bennet allowed it. What did you think of the punch?”

  Darcy gave Bingley an incredulous look. “You ask me about the punch?”

  “I believe Jane and I had too much. I...I remembered why you needed to marry so quickly. I know you regret the actions, but you cannot regret that you will marry Miss Elizabeth more quickly and avoid all of Mrs. Bennet’s exclamations. The four days of rain, when I could not see Jane, was torture.

  “I thought kissing Jane would be enough for me. I believed when we did not soon return that Mrs. Bennet would come for us, we would be found kissing, and I could demand an earlier wedding date. We were there for quite some time and very...very agreeably engaged, but no one interrupted us. The punch went to our heads. Jane showed me every encouragement; it was so refreshing.” Bingley hung his head low. “I have greatly wronged her.”

  For some minutes, Darcy knew not what to say. “Bingley, when did you think to direct Miss Bennet to the library?”

  “Days before the ball. I found a ready opportunity when she fled the supper room in embarrassment.”

  He looked at his friend sharply. “You were not under the influence of the punch then.”

  “No. But when I found her in the library she was so upset…”

  Darcy interrupted. “But you believed you should act similarly to me? I told you my shame and guilt; you knew it all. And you thought it was wise to emulate me?”

  “I only thought…”

  “You thought? Of whom did you think, Bingley? Yourself! Did you consider how Miss Bennet would feel having her mother find her in the arms of her betrothed? And you know Mrs. Bennet would gossip about it! She already gossips about Elizabeth. Or what if someone else happened upon you? Did you consider how Jane would feel being the subject of hearsay and rumours—and everyone watching to see if she fell with child? Did you consider a child?”

  Darcy was enraged; the feelings of self-reproach he had managed to suppress the last several days re-emerged in full force and were turned on his friend. He did not shout —it would not do for the stable hands to hear their conversation —but there could be no doubt of the anger he felt.

  “And what do you do next? Run to Town and hide for days without even seeing to her well-being? Without apologising or assuring her of your regard and steadfastness? She is likely full of self-reproach and regret. Will you even be back before my wedding? Jane will be distraught at your absence, which will also upset Elizabeth. Your impulsiveness is really too much at times.”

  Bingley had turned pale as his friend began berating him but seemed nearly roused to anger as time went on.

  “Darcy! I ought to have judged better than to attempt such a scene, especially as I know you were drunk when it happened. But going to Town to settle things as quickly as possible is exactly what you did, and in your perfectly right mind. And how do you know Jane and I did not speak about this? I did not pass out in a drunken stupor only to awaken alone with the evidence of my sins and leave it to my friend to explain my absence. You may treat Elizabeth that way, but I love Jane and would not abandon her to such misery. We are betrothed, at least; what did you say or offer to Elizabeth before you stole her virtue? You cannot even remember! You go too far!”

  Darcy stumbled backwards as though punched. Is there no end to my selfishness? He had not spared a thought last week for the pain and confusion Elizabeth might feel by his unexplained absence. He had inconsiderately thought only of his duty and obligation to arrange everything as quickly as possible. And he had bowed under his guilt; he could not face Elizabeth and instead left like a coward. He did not realise then that he loved her, but it did not excuse ignoring her feelings upon discovering his absence or how he had arranged everything to his choosing.

  After a lengthy silence, in which Bingley looked quite uncomfortable and Darcy looked thoroughly ashamed, Darcy spoke. “You are perfectly correct, Bingley. Forgive me for my unjust accusations. But pray, stay until Friday. Elizabeth and I leave for Town after the wedding breakfast, and I can much easier help you while there. Also, I have no wish for another to stand up with me.”

  “Of course, I forgive you. What of your cousin, the colonel?”

  “I did not inform any of my family of my upcoming nuptials. To tell one would be to tell them all, and I would rather present the marriage as a fait accompli to the earl...and Lady Catherine.”

  “So none of your relatives will be coming?”

  “Not a one. Not even Georgiana.”

  Bingley shook his head. “Darcy, it will look as though you are ashamed of the connection.”

  Darcy exhaled. What a mess he had made; he never considered people might think that.

  “I will send an express to Sidney House immediately. I doubt Henry can take leave so quickly, and the earl and countess will not be pleased, but hopefully they can send the viscount at least.”

  Darcy started to walk back towards the house, but Bingley stayed him. “Darcy, why not enjoy your ride? You can send the express when you return. It is still very early, hours before most of Town wakes. Enjoy y
our ride; refresh yourself. Jane does not expect me at Longbourn, and perhaps you can send a note explaining matters to Miss Elizabeth as well.”

  Darcy readily agreed, and the friends parted.

  *****

  Despite the late hour of the ball the previous night, Elizabeth awoke early. The events of the past fortnight had tried her equanimity, and she desperately needed exercise. She would never dare acknowledge to another living soul that she was anxious. She found herself in a remarkable position akin to her mother’s fits and tempers, leaving her feeling quite fluttery inside. Elizabeth had to own that at times she suffered sensations of what could only be called panic. She would not succumb to the spate of nervousness barely concealed and instead chose a restorative walk. She simply must regain control of her good sense lest she make herself ill. Already, her anxiousness had delayed her courses.

  In addition to recent events, this day would be her last free one in Hertfordshire, and she did not wish to waste a moment of it abed. She longed to farewell the countryside she knew so well. It had been her haven and refuge. She loved Jane, but Elizabeth believed not even her dearest sister could calm her the way the well-loved paths did.

  What are the grounds like at Pemberley? I have heard from Miss Bingley about the magnificence of the house and library, but I do not even know if William enjoys the outdoors. What if he wishes to spend all our time in Town?

  Her worries threatened to fill her with dread. She had never dreamt when she accepted Darcy’s proposals that she would marry him in less than a fortnight! She expected a proper engagement period, and even when the date was first proposed, she could not have known there would be four days of rain to suspend their further acquaintance.

  Oh! What does it matter? A mere four days would have done nothing but allow her mother more time to be vexatious and subject Darcy to her antics, parading them through the neighbourhood. The fact was, Elizabeth was marrying a virtual stranger; the man she had known prior to staying at Netherfield had been a defensive pretence.